Humor From Sermon Series Teachings
H-23
I love the story about a lady who was rushing to catch the boat to Catalina
island. As she ran down the dock, she noticed the boat was about six feet away
from the end of the pier and, picking up speed, she made an heroic leap across
the open water and landed in a heap at the feet of the captain. She stood up,
looked at him with a triumphant smile on her face and said,
"I made it!" to which the captain replied,"Indeed, you did, lady! That was a
fantastic leap, but if you had waited a few moments more, we would have docked!"
I'm afraid many of us are like that lady. Expending our energies in
fruitless activity without ever taking thought of whether or not that activity
has a place in God's plan for our life.
>From
" I Am the Resurrection and the Life"
****
H-24
"Every time I pass my church
I pay a little visit,
So some day when I'm carried in
The Lord won't say, 'Who is it?'"
>From "To Father's House We
Go"
****
H-25
Mark Hallett was telling me the other day about an incident which happened
a number of years ago. He was playing a very loud passage of music which came
to an abrupt stop. As the organ sounded its last note, a lady sitting about
half way back was heard to say to her companion,
"I baste mine on both sides!"
If others had been trying to establish a spirit of prayerful worship, her comment
didn't help. Greeting new friends and renewing old acquaintances is good, but
there is a time and place. 10:50AM is not the time and the sanctuary is not
the place.
>From "To Father's House We
Go"
****
H-34
This week I came across a story told by Judge Philip B. Gilliam which
illustrates that poignantly. He says, "There were three men looking at the Grand
Canyon. One was a minister, one was an artist and one was a cowboy. The minister
looked at the Grand Canyon and said, 'What a wonderful work God has created.'
The artist looked at the Grand Canyon and said, 'What beautiful coloring. I'd
love to paint it.' The cowboy looked at the Grand Canyon and said,
'What a lousy place to lose a cow!'"
>From "Let's Try the Thing
We Haven't Tried"
****
H-34
I have a great deal of sympathy for the little boy who said, while moping around
the house one day, "I've got only one friend and I hate him."
>From "Let's Try the Thing
We Haven't Tried"
****
H-35
Have you heard the latest Texas story about an easterner who landed in Dallas,
was greeted by the porter with "Howdy, pahdner, let me have your bag." The taxi
driver said,"Hop in, pahdner." The desk clerk was just as friendly, "Sign here,
pahdner." So was the bell boy. The waitress in the coffee shop said, "What'll
you have pahdner?" Then he went to the desk to cash a personal check and the
cashier said, "Sorry, they just took all our money to the bank, stranger".
>From "Let's Try the Thing
We Haven't Tried"
****
H-36
Inwardly, forgiveness also means freedom from guilt. A little boy who had been
naughty said,
"Go away, Mom, I want to talk to God."
His mother said,
"Is it something you can't tell me, dear?"
The child answered,
"No, but you just scold and scold and God forgives me and forgets."
>From
"You've Been Framed"
****
H-37
As every parent here this morning will readily agree, we never know what our
children might say next. A few days ago I had to make a call out in the country
so I took the family along for the ride. Jody was singing: "Jesus loves the
little children, all the children of the world…" When she came to the line,
"Red and yellow, black and white", she stopped and looked at her brother who
was playing on the back seat. After studying him for quite some time she said,
"Mommy, Jeffs white on the outside and red on the inside. Where is he black
and yellow?" Like I say, we never can tell what is going to come out of our
youngsters!
>From "What More Could You
Ask"
****
H-38
In a recent article in the Chicago Tribune, Harold Blake Walker emphasized this
idea by telling the story of a small boy who came racing down the stairs one
morning and said, "Dad, will you buy me a motor scooter?" Then without waiting
for an answer from his startled father, he ran back up the stairs calling over
his shoulder, "Never mind. I know the answer."
Dr. Walker says there was a disarming naturalness about that eager request,
but there was also a simple honesty in accepting the inevitable answer before
it was given. In other words, the boy accepted the fact that his request was
not a wise one and his father knew what was best for him better than he knew
himself.
Many of our prayers are like the boy's impetuous request for a motor scooter.
They are expressions of our childlike yearnings to God. They may reflect the
mood of the moment. They may express our passing fascination with a particular
object. But almost before the words have found their way to our lips, we know
the prayer was not asked in the name of Jesus. It had not taken into consideration
His spirit or the fact that God has something better for us than we can plan
for ourselves.
>From "What More Could You
Ask"
****
H-39
There is a story about a man who opened a donut shop and hung up a sign saying,
"We Have The Finest Donuts In Town." Shortly thereafter, another man opened
a store immediately across the street and displayed a sign saying, "We Have
The Finest Donuts In The United States." Shortly thereafter, a third donut shop
opened down the street and the proprietor hung out a sign saying, "We Have The
Finest Donuts In The World." Not long thereafter, a fourth donut shop opened
and this proprietor, not to be outdone, boasted, "We Have The Finest Donuts
In The Universe."
Finally, the improbable happened and a fifth donut shop opened far down at the
end of the street. Everyone was anxious to see what kind of sign this owner
would hang out. When they went to look, they discovered a most meaningful message,
"We Have The Finest Donuts On This Street!"
>From "On the Street Where
You Live"
****
H-60
I heard a story the other day about two ghosts who were haunting a house. Along
about midnight they heard a terrible noise. It got louder and louder...and more
and more grotesque...until one of the ghosts, shaking with fear, turned to his
friend and said, "Hey buddy, do you believe in people?"
I think the trouble with far too many of us is that we don't believe in people.
We don't believe in ourselves. We have forgotten who we are.
>From "Get Rid of that Inferiority
Complex"
****
H-61
I heard a cute story the other day about a young man who went to work for a
company as a stock clerk. Within two weeks he was promoted to salesmen. About
two months later he became a buyer. Within six months he was vice president.
Then one day, after he had been there a year, the president called him into
his office, said he was going to retire and wanted him to be his successor.
It was an amazing story of success. From stock clerk to president in one year.
And yet, when he was told he would be the new president of the company, the
young man didn't say a word. The president looked that him for a moment and
said, "Well, aren't you even going to say thank you?" The young man grinned
sheepishly and said, "Oh yeah. Thanks dad!"
>From "Get Rid of that Inferiority
Complex"
****
H-62
A little boy was asked by his Sunday School teacher to write an essay
on king David. He scratched around for something to say and then finally wrote:
"David was a good and a rich King. If there was anything wrong with him, it
was a slight tendency to adultery."
And, of course, that's what we would like to think sin is, "a slight tendency,"
"a psychological quirk," "one of those little things which will take care of
itself in the end." But Jesus said, "No!" Sin is real. People are lost. They
are away from God. And that is the cause of the giant ache in human hearts.
>From "Eve Knew Her Apples"