C153 10/26/58
© Project Winsome Publishers, 2000

"LOOKS, LUST AND LOVE"
Dr. John Allan Lavender
Ex. 20:14; Mt. 5:27-30

Little Jimmy, a bright eyed boy of eight, was being tested on his knowledge of the Ten Commandments. "Is it wrong to steal?" his Sunday school teacher asked. "Yes, ma'am," responded Jimmy. "It's against the eighth commandment, thou shalt not steal." "What about lying?" asked his teacher. "That's a sin too," responded Jimmy, "it's against the ninth commandment, thou shalt not bear false witness." The teacher said, "Tell me, Jimmy, is pulling the cat's tail a sin?" Without a moment's hesitation Jimmy answered, "Yes!" The teacher was surprised with his reply and asked, "Against which commandment?" Jimmy paused for a moment and said, "I'm not exactly sure which number it is, but the Bible says that 'What God hath joined together let not man put asunder!'"

Well, Jimmy had his species and his scriptures mixed, but he gave us a happy introduction to a rather hard and somber text, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."

I suppose there are those who would say the Ten Commandments are out of date, antiquated, old hat, that they just don't apply to our enlightened, liberated, sophisticated age. But one need not look long nor far to find evidence of the fact that the seventh commandment, speaks to an issue which is very much alive today.

There has been a terrific moral letdown in our country in recent years. Perhaps it is a result of the uncertainty of our times, the ever present shadow of impending doom, the constant threat of annihilation. Perhaps it is the product of the prosperity we enjoy, the great blocks of free time available to us. If so, it would not be out of the ordinary, for history records that whenever a nation has enjoyed a superabundance of lucre and leisure, it has inevitably slipped into a morass of lasciviousness.

One thing is sure -- the widespread exploitation of sex in advertising has taken its toll. We turn on our television sets and so sexless a product as a toothbrush is extolled with
"The deep-throated come hither voice of a sultry surcisi."

We pick up a magazine and see a full-page ad for so earthy an instrument as a tractor featuring the glandular figure of a female dressed in something resembling a carnival costume. Everywhere we turn we are subjected to what Harvard sociologist Pitirin Sorokin calls,
"The continuous pressure of a gigantic army of omni-present sex stimuli. Every phase of our culture has been invaded by sex," he says. "Our civilization has become so preoccupied with sex it now oozes from all pores of American life."
Dr. Sorokin estimates that the average individual encounters some kind of sexual lure every nine minutes of his or her waking day.

Is it any wonder that our society has descended to a kind of "alley cat morality" which smiles benignly at the people who meander in and out of marriage, from one sex partner to the next, as if they were going to a series of bargain sales. Indeed, the seventh commandment is very much related to modern life. It's as up-to-date as your morning news paper. It's as "real life" as the sordid stories of immorality and infidelity which make the headlines.

This commandment is not only concerned with the flagrant and fleshy acts of physical indulgence, it also isolates, identifies, and indicts the seemingly insignificant beginnings in the heart from which the open sin grows. Jesus said,
"Ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old, thou shalt not commit adultery: but I say unto you that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

Looks
Are we to assume from what Jesus said that the sex urge in itself is evil? Is it wrong to look with appreciation at an appealing person of the opposite sex? Did Jesus mean to infer that the natural attraction between male and female is wrong? Most assuredly not! The very opposite is true. The Christian faith asserts that sex, like every other God-created appetite is good.

Genesis 1:31, tells us that when God had concluded his creative acts, he "saw everything he had made and behold, it was very good." Included in God's creative accomplishments was the human body with all of its complex emotions, hungers and drives. Therefore, if there is anything evil about sex and the human body today, it is because we have made it so. In the beginning, God made them beautiful and pure and good.

C.S. Lewis points out,
"Christianity is almost the only one of the great religions which thoroughly approves of the body, which believes that matter is good, that God himself once took on a human body, that some kind of body is to be given to us even in heaven, and is going to be an essential part of our happiness, our beauty and our energy. If anyone says that sex, in itself, is bad, Christianity immediately contradicts them."

Creation
Now, every normal, healthy, mature individual is, or should be, interested in sex. It is the fountainhead of life. It is the marvelous and mysterious manner to which Almighty God has ordained that the human race should be carried on. Had he chosen to do so, God could easily have fashioned each of us individually by a personal creative act as he did Adam and Eve. Or he could have peopled the earth in one "thought-motion" with as many individuals as there are grains of sand by the sea. Instead, he chose to make us partners with him in the creation of new life. He ordained that one man and one woman should be united in holy matrimony so that, through an expression of their love and the exercise of that part of their nature called sex, they might replenish the earth.

Completion of Human Personality
But even more than the creation of life, God purposed that through sex in marriage human personality might be brought to completion.

You see, when God began the human race, he created one man and one woman and then said,
"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and these two shall be one."

In so doing, he established a pattern which remains to this day. He ordained that woman should be something more than man's supplement. She was to be his complement. A man is a hemisphere. In and of himself, a man is incomplete. He needs, as we put it, a "better half."
The same is true of a woman. It takes both hemispheres united in that marvelous and mysterious amalgamation of body and soul which the Bible calls "one flesh" to complete the whole sphere of human personality.

It is through sex in marriage that we are made complete, as in a strange and wonderful way God joins us to our alter-ego. To our better half. To that necessary compliment to ourselves without which our personality cannot be fully orbed.
Pleasure
Then, too, there is another aspect of sex in marriage. The aspect of pleasure. Many people have allowed their lives to become restricted, restrained, and sometimes ruined, because they have associated the enjoyment of sex in marriage with forbidden pleasure.

Let it be clearly and unmistakably understood that there is nothing forbidden about the pleasure of sex in marriage. To label that pleasure as shameful is to libel our creator. For God himself has said,
"The marriage bed is honorable."
As one guide to Christian marriage states,
"God intended that the marital union should produce pleasure in the senses of a married couple. This pleasure is normal. It is a powerful instrument in strengthening the marriage bond."

It is only when sex is separated from love, removed from the healthy context of a home, relegated to the level of "a mechanistic phenomenon" that it gets out of kilter. And this, of course, points up the need for the right kind of sex education in the home.

I got a chuckle out of the story of the young father who decided not to tell his little boy of the impending arrival of the stork. But, as the months progressed, the secret grew more and more difficult to conceal. Finally, the stork dropped his bundle of joy and the father broke the news to his son.
"The stork has been flying over our house for some time," he said. "He's swooping down and is about to land."
The little boy's eyes grew wide with wonder and then in a very serious and sober mood, he said,
"Jeepers, I sure hope he doesn't scare mom. She's pregnant, you know!"

You don't put much over on kids these days. As one puzzled mother remarked recently,
"It isn't what my daughter knows that bothers me, it's how she found out!"

As Howard Whitman suggests,
"Finding out is a problem for human beings from the moment curiosity buds within their brains in early childhood and they plaintively inquire, 'Where do babies come from?' and, from that moment on, it is the parents' job to tell, and to tell the truth."

"Home is God's first school!" declares a minister in New York City. "So when your little boy or girl of seven asks, 'Mother, where did I come from?' don't take a hush-hush attitude and don't give your child the stork story. Later he learns the truth, sometimes in the gutter, and he suspects there must be something wrong with human procreation. He gets the wrong start and sometimes becomes warped."

I think every parent wants his child to develop a normal, healthy attitude towards sex. But that kind of attitude does not just happen. It is the result of careful and prayerful response on the part of parents to the natural inquisitiveness of children.

It is the product of parental instruction which has made sex what God intended it to be -- beautiful and pure and good -- so that as their children grow up, they will be glad they are human beings and will look forward to that happy, holy, hallowed moment when, in marriage, they give themselves without reservation and restraint to the one person in all this earth whom God has set apart especially for them.

Lust
Having said this, I have not done justice to our text. For the Old Testament commandment,
"Thou shalt not commit adultery,"
And the New Testament comment --
"He that looketh upon a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery already in his heart."
Both indicate it is possible for us to distort and destroy this beautiful instrument of God. Both of these Biblical passages make it clear that it's possible for a look to become a lust.

Now, it's natural and inevitable that you should look upon the opposite sex with appreciation. There's nothing sinful about that. Sin lies in secretly harboring the thoughts with which such looks sometimes produce, and allowing them to turn from mere looks into lustful longings.

It was Martin Luther who said,
"You cannot prevent the birds from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair!"
Luther was suggesting that you cannot avoid the looks which result from everyday contact with those about you, nor can you completely prevent the fleeting thoughts and desires which those looks often cause to rise up within you. But you can prevent those fleeting thoughts and desires from becoming full-blown lusts and finding permanent abode within your heart and mine.

This points out the wisdom of shunning every entanglement and enticement which might contribute to your downfall. It reveals the value of filling your heart and mind with those thoughts and activities which will contribute to your spiritual growth. Paul put it this way --
"Whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, think on these things."
These are the things which build character, strengthen convictions, encourage righteousness, and result in joy.

Sick Sex
There is abroad today the vicious idea that sex is somehow better when it is illicit. One of our national magazines (Better Homes and Gardens) in an article entitled, "Don't Let Them Scoff At Marriage" has called this "The gross libel of our time." It states that --
"We have been fed the notion that the relationship of sex is more interesting, more thrilling, when it takes the form of a conquest, a mad pursuit, a forbidden indulgence and affair. As for marriage, according to the propaganda, this is a dull business. As a result of this insidious and idiotic falderal, marital failure has become almost as popular as marital success."

One out of every three marriages ends in divorce. The percentage of those seeking acceptance in the arms of promiscuity is rocketing upward at a fantastic clip. The number of illegitimate parents -- and I said parents -- because there is no such thing as an illegitimate child -- has increased at a frightening rate. Nearly two-hundred-thousand recorded last year, and God alone knows how many that were not recorded. All of this, because certain segments of our sick society have pedaled the sad and sordid story, that sex outside of marriage is somehow sure to be more satisfying.

Well, what is the truth about the sex relationship? We've seen that, in the plan of God, sex has been given for the purpose of creation, completion of human personality, and pleasure. Is it true that these great and eternal purposes can be realized better in the transient passion and casual liaison? Let's look at them for a moment.

Creation
Quite obviously, the adulterous affair does not measure up on the first score. The creation of life outside of marriage is a disaster. Not only for the illegitimate parents, but for the innocent child.

Completion
In the case of the second purpose, instead of completing human personality, illicit sex destroys it. The momentary excitement which leads so many astray in the beginning soon fades, and only the agony of remorse and guilt remain. The law of the harvest is eternally in operation. It inevitably follows that,
"As a man soweth, so also shall he reap."
In the Old Testament book of Samuel, there is the story of Tamar and Prince Ammon. It's not a pretty story, but it's one that is very true to life. The prince had seduced the young girl and thought he had gotten away with it. I suppose a modern novelist would have let it go at that. But the Bible goes on to tell of the morning after. It says very bluntly,
"The hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her."

"We reap as we sow." And sex used only as a means of self-gratification, or entered into only as a mere biological function, can never succeed in completing human personality. It can only destroy it. For the seeds of lust inevitably produce the fruit of self-disgust and contempt for others.

Love
One writer put it this way --
"After wild experimentation with sex as a mechanistic phenomenon, as an 'outlet' as Kinsey called it, the prime therapy today is the effort to re-unite sex with love."

Now I'm not talking about syrupy sentimentality, palpitations of the heart, irresistible passions, or the excitement of new affection. True love is much deeper than these. It is concerned with self-abdication instead of self-gratification.

Many people with whom I visit use the word "love" as an excuse for their extra-marital or pre-marital involvements. To them, "We love each other," is a green light which says full speed ahead. But they're are wrong. True love is not a green light, it is a stop light! True love is not an excuse for proceeding. It is and should be the major reason for denying the passing impulse and temptation.

If you really love someone, you wouldn't do anything in the world to hurt or harm that person. To stir up feelings of guilt. To create memories and scars which will last a lifetime. If you really love someone, you are thinking about them, not yourself. So you will even go so far as to deny the expressed desire for a deeper involvement by this object of your love, because true love is not concerned with the moment, but with the morning after, also!

True love is not a green light, it is a stop light! True love is concerned with self-abdication rather then self-gratification. And, unlike topsy, true love doesn't just grow. True love must be nurtured, encouraged, protected, and fed.

Someone has said that love to a child is receiving, love to an adult is giving, and there's a heap of growing in between. As I look back on my own seventeen years of marriage, I can see that what I thought was love as I stood at the head of the aisle and watched my sweetheart walk toward me, seems terribly infantile today. In fact, when I compare what we have now with what we had then, I wonder if we really knew what love was all about the day we were married.

Do you remember that lovely scene in "Mrs. Miniver?" They had just acquired a new car and she also had a new hat. As they went to bed that night they were too excited to sleep, and Mrs. Miniver says, "We're the luckiest people!" And her husband asks, "Why? Because of the new car or new hat?" Mrs. Miniver responds wistfully, "No, dear, just because we have each other!"

There are a lot of things which go into making a happy marriage. But there is one thing without which a happy marriage cannot exist -- love! It is the divine adhesive which sticks a man and a maiden together. Without it, marriage is an emotional shamble. With it, there are no mountains of difficulty or valleys of despair which cannot be conquered.

Some months ago Guideposts carried the story of a man who had come in conflict with the seventh commandment. After four years of extremely happy married life, his wife was injured in a tragic accident which left her paralyzed from the waist down.

At first there were all the natural expressions of love and tenderness, every effort was made to give her comfort and assurance. But, after a while, the demon of self-pity began to rear its ugly head, and the man became enamored with the nurse who came each day to give Nancy, his wife, physical therapy. To his surprise, the woman returned his halting overtures.

Finally, after many months and a number of more innocent meetings, they made a date to meet in her apartment. When the night came, he made the excuse that he had a business appointment and left his wife alone. It was raining, but he decided not to take the bus. Instead, he walked to the woman's apartment house, started to go inside and then suddenly felt compelled to go back out into the rain.

In recounting the story he says,
"I went outside and wandered aimlessly down the street. I couldn't get Nancy out of my mind. I remember that she, herself, had said, 'Modern laws aren't fair. You ought to have two wives. One to do the mending and the other to give you babies . . . and . . . everything.' "

"Yet, the seventh commandment was clear, thou shalt not commit adultery. Why? Simply because the law says so? To me this was unsatisfying. The law didn't cover such situations as this, or did it?"

"It was after midnight when I got home. It was so quiet I was aware of the sound of the water dripping off my trench coat. I was also aware of the emotions still raging inside of me. There was a strong sense of guilt. There was also a strong sense of relief."

"Light was coming from under the door. Nancy was still up. Suddenly I wanted to see her. I ran to the door and flung it open. Nancy sat in her wheelchair, reading.

She looked up at me for a long time and then she said, 'Come, sit down, Andy.' I walked across the room. 'You're wet clean through,' Nancy said, running her fingers through my hair. 'Yes, I know,' I replied. Gently she began to scold. 'Change your things, get yourself something hot to drink.' 'No, I want to stay right here. With you.'

'You didn't go in did you?' It was as if someone had plucked a tight bowstring inside my head. 'Go where,' I said? Nancy ran her finger down my coat. 'We women know a lot of things without having to see them. You didn't go in, did you? You walked the street in the rain. You probably looked at her window and passed in front of her place. But you didn't go in.'

And then, for the first time in days I felt myself relax. 'No, I didn't go in.' 'Why, Andy?' I paused for a moment. How could I tell her in a sentence all that had gone on within me as I stood there in the rain outside of Barbra's apartment? So I answered with just four words: 'Because I love you.' "

"Love suffers long and is kind.
Love hopes all things,
Believes all things,
Endures all things,
For love never fails."